Mark Goffeney

This post isn't loony, but the boy is rather talented.

...Born without arms, Goffeney has been a performer as long as he can remember. Some of his earliest performances were between ages eight and thirteen, when he helped host Easter Seals and March of Dimes telethons. “I was their poster child,” he laughs. “So I think I got over the fear of performing. Well, actually, I never really got the fear of it.” He always knew he wanted to be a musician, but playing trombone in the school band didn’t satisfy his desire to rock. So a friend gave Goffeney a guitar demonstration, and he just imitated what he saw his friend do—only he imitated with his feet.

And his passion was stirred. From a ninth-grade band called High Octane that played pizza joints on the weekends, to a KISS-flavored hard rock group, to the debut of Big Toe, Goffeney has immersed himself in music however he could get it. He’s played solo. He’s played in retirement homes. He even learned to play the bass to increase his chances for joining a group. “Everybody was playing guitar in the ‘80s,” he explains. “And everybody wanted to play lead guitar, so it was hard to get in a band. So I started playing bass.”

Eventually, though, getting in wasn’t enough; Goffeney wanted to set his own pace. With another guitarist, he founded Big Toe in 1992, and seven years later PSB Records signed the band to a CD deal…on one condition. Goffeney had to work with Steve Dudas, former producer for Aerosmith, Ozzy Osbourne and Ringo Star, to refine the songs for the band’s self-titled album. “I got to sit on the same chair that Steven Tyler sat on when he was there,” says Goffeney. “Steve Dudas was very professional, very good. He let me know in no uncertain terms that I was an amateur and I needed to listen to him.”

Several years and many record sales later, Goffeney is no longer an amateur performer. He has appeared on television as an actor and a musician, and has spoken to audiences all over America advocating for the rights of people with disabilities. He played the principal role on FOX’s Emmy-nominated commercial Feet. The advertisement, aired during the 2000 and 2001 Super Bowls, was for the NFL website, and it told the story of a character named Roger who was so obsessed with the website that he did everything else with his feet—including changing his baby’s diaper. As a father of three, Goffeney is an expert at caring for children sans hands, so he played the feet. When the director announced the baby would wear cloth diapers, Goffeney didn’t bat an eye; his first diaper-changing experiences involved his baby brothers in the ’70s. But some mothers of the auditioning babies got jittery about the safety pins, which cost their children the role. “They waited for a mother who had nerves of steel,” Goffeney remembers. “They picked the baby based on the nervousness of the mom.” Because of his rare ability, Goffeney could command his salary for the role—quite a bit higher than the Screen Actors Guild standard FOX originally offered.

Cash is not always easy for musicians to come by, though. To pay the bills, Goffeney has worked in various jobs: as a telemarketer, in roofing, with adults with disabilities, with teenagers in transition. But his passion for playing didn’t die, and he eventually quit his day job to pursue performance full-time. “I would play anywhere they’d let me,” he remembers. As Big Toe scored more and more gigs, Goffeney moved his practice venue to Balboa Park, famous in San Diego for street entertainers. “We are actually licensed to play for tips,” he explains, and some days he brings home $200 to $300 in one day. “Sometimes I get a complex because some people might think I’m panhandling. But had I been born with arms, I still would have wanted to do this. I’m not going to not do it because not everybody gets it.” ... (Abilitymagazine).